you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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