There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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