He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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