hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
