3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
