3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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