he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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