About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
