he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
