woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
