dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
