is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
