I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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