there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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