making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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