Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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