he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
