I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
