I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
