fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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