I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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