I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
