similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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