Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize