hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he thought i was a dude.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My dick has a subreddit
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
