I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
