Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
