Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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