That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
