I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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