i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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