Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
