so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
