She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
