thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
