Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
