Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
