sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
