it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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