What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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