I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
