Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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