wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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