If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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