You're so nebulous sometimes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
