who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
