i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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