i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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