why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
