I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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