I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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