I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
