While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
